Making Fights Work for Your Relationship

By Kate

Introduction

Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive, arguments can clear the air and lead to better understanding. “Peace at any price” does not build a strong open relationship in the end. So, are arguments causing you concern? Have you learnt to make a fight serve your relationship. Here are some ideas that may help. You can try some of them yourself, but even better get your partner to read this article too.

Choose your time

Sometimes we let issues fester until our feelings get so strong that one more thing is the last straw. Suddenly we are exchanging criticism and insult with little thought for the consequences. All the un-dealt with hurts surface to provide ammunition and we end up hurt and battered and sometimes unsure of what started things off in the first place.

It’s far better to recognise when something is becoming an issue and manage to set aside a mutually agreed time to talk (or argue) it through. If you find you’ve missed the warning signs try and call a truce – a sort of cooling off period – before you continue, but don’t use this as an excuse to put the painful subject off indefinitely. Make sure you choose a time when you won’t be interrupted, so you can finish.

Choose the subject

It is important to be clear what it is you are disagreeing over. Remember it may not be the thing that started the fight, that may just have been a trigger.