Can Government Rescue Marriages?
By Dr Scott M Stanley & Dr Howard J Markman
Public Education: A Better Way That Works
Legal strategies to make divorce harder or mandate premarital preparation may
well work. On the other hand, some of the changes being contemplated may cause
negative consequences despite the good intentions. If we had to choose today,
programs oriented toward government incentives have more appeal than do
government mandates. Further, attempting to bring greater delay to divorce
proceedings (without encouraging opportunities for increased legal conflict) may
well slow some couples down from what could be impulsive decisions toward
divorce. Our key point is that couples and governments can tend to seek
premature solutions to complex problems when those solutions may fail or increase
frustration and conflict. While the problems cry out for solutions, more
discussion of, and research on, the legal initiatives may be the wiser course.
This does not mean that we, as a society, have no means to begin tackling these
problems. The most immediately effective strategies may lie in the field of
education rather than in legislation. With a growing national consensus, a large
scale public health education campaign could bring together educators, clergy,
mental health professionals, and politicians to focus on two key goals: 1) To
extol strong and happy marriages as a high value and a high priority, and 2) to
encourage couples to take advantage of effective tools to make their marriages
not just more stable, but truly better.
Regarding the first goal, the institution of marriage does not seem to be held in
as high of public esteem as it used to be. This can be changed if a wide range
of influential voices join together in saying there is something special and
beneficial about marriage. As importantly, the second goal is directed at
helping couples build better marriages in the first place. This, after all, is
really the goal behind all these competing ideas and philosophies. Can a society
transform beliefs and patterns?
We have been fairly successful in waging an assault on the deadly habit of
smoking, and, to some degree, on eating habits. While there has been some
regulation adding to the effect, the greatest reductions in smoking seem to have
come from the combination of an increasingly negative portrayal for the habit in
the media and direct efforts to educate people about the debilitating effects.
The next great challenge is to change relationship habits--and there may well be
even more riding on the outcome.
What if marriages were portrayed more widely in the media as worthy of effort,
with positive images and models of people working things out in their marriages?
A greater number of religious organizations could emphasize the value of
premarital training, or even make it mandatory. The government could encourage
public service messages that promote marriage and that teach a skill or two about
more effective ways to make marriages good.
We are talking about values here. Values that say marriage is important. Values
that say working to resolve differences is good. Values that say preparing for
marriage is wise. Values that lead to increased dedication for the task of
building strong and happy marriages. These things can be done if we have the
collective will. Let's get to it.
Drs. Stanley and Markman direct the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the
University of Denver, and co-authored the book Fighting for Your Marriage, (1994;
Jossey-Bass, Inc.).
